Category Archives: fun

How Big Are You?

How Big Are You? In comparison to your neighbour, friend. Now expand that a little bigger. I remember as a child wondering how big the universe is and just possible that we may be nothing more than a grain of sand. 30 years later it appears that they have a little bit more information as these pictures show.  You have click on them to get the full picture.

We are not really very big, The effect we have on each other may well be. Something a little different.

Art of Luck in Business

The viewpoint that we create our own luck is a strong one. If one is constantly performing or over performing in what they do they build up a momentum that generates opportunities as it rides along. Whether that be through are own interactions with other people or simple generosity.  One could argue that is creating your own luck, and I would tend to go along with this. Having said all that the most remarkable thing happened to someone that I know.

A acquaintance of mine recently  won over £1200 hundred pounds from gambling machines in matter of days. He went down to the pub on three separate occasion and and won -/+ £400.  The pub owner thought that he had installed a faulty machine, it was not faulty. fruitmachine-1kFruit machines general speaking are only meant to pay when they have reached a certain amount credit.  So if you want to win on a fruit machine try it last thing at night. In the story above that was not the case. I have figured out what the odds are of that happening and they are quite remote.  A general rule of thumb  is that over a period of time such as a year the machine needs to pay back 85% of the money that has been put into it.

The Five Minute Management Course

No idea who it is by, just in by email. 🙂

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pena Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..
Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!


The Morning After The Office Party – Joke

Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm’s Christmas Party.

He didn’t even remember how he got home.  It’s 8.30.  What day is it? Thursday.  His wife must have gone to work.

As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did last night.
He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.  And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden.

He sat up.  The bedroom was clean and tidy, – there was no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the window
and all was serene.  He stumbled to the bathroom, also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye.  This was not a good sign, but no memories were returning.
As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror.  It was written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife.

I’ll ring your office and tell them you won’t be in today.  Breakfast is in the oven.  Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning.There’s snooker on TV this afternoon.  Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn’t hurt too much.  See you tonight.  I love you, darling!  Love, Jillian. x

He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper.  His teenage son was sitting at the table, eating. Jack, bracing himself, asked his son what happened the previous night.

Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind.  You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,

and got that black eye when you ran into the door. ‘

Confused, he asked his son, ‘So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mum and breakfast waiting for me?’
His son replied, ‘Oh THAT!…  Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone you
I’m married!!’

Broken Coffee Table £250
Hot Breakfast £3.50
Two Aspirins 20p

Saying the right thing, at the right time……PRICELESS


Too hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting….

I think I am good on the phone and I do no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I offen get a job thru my persinalety.

My salerery is open so we can discus wat jou want to pay me and what you think that I am werth,

I can start emeditely.

Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.  

hopifuly yore best aplicant so farr.

BRYAN nickname Beefy

PS: Because my resimay is a bit short – below is pickture of me


It’s OK honey, we got  

See you Monday.

Channel The Information – The Question

This is part of a series called – Channel Internet Information.

It was predicted and it did deliver. The information highway (the internet) has more information than many of us had every imagined. At the press of a button we’ll find documents relating to family history or how to bake tart or pay our bills. Ten years ago you used the yellow pages and now you Google it. What does all this information mean to you and me? And more importantly, how are you going to make the best of it?

The internet in all its diversity can be overwhelming. A lot of intelligent and not so intelligent people just switch off to it because they can not to decipher all the information. What are your thoughts about using the internet?

The next post  is posted here – Eight Point Plan to Channel Internet Information



killer blog posts (How to)

Sit comfortably, take a deep breath and relax. What is a rather an ambiguous blog post title and is meant to be taken both ways. You can kill your blog by the posts you put on it or you can do the reverse. This blog post is about how to make your blog posts work for you in a given time allotment.        

A couple of days ago I thought seriously about making a private blog. My blog is very much a sort of a development to try out new ideas that I will then use on or for clients. Waking up on a Sunday morning I read some of the weeks past posts and noticed a few too many errors. There are number reasons for this. My brain works faster than my hands can type. I may suffer from a form of dyslexia. What every the reason the blog posts were not of a sufficient quality to be published. As I thought about this, and talked it over on twitter and with friends, I realised that I was not the only one and that you do not need a degree in journalism or English to make a contribution to blogsphere.

As Sherrilynne from pointed out, nothing leaves the office without being proof read by someone else. My brother Sebastian who is starting work at local law firm said that he prints everything out as you just cannot see the mistakes on a computer screen. That is enough justification for all blog writers to contemplate how you are publishing something.  If it is for yourself then fine, but if you are going to share it with blogsphere, how are you going to know if you are achieving what you have set out to do?

Below is step plan that endeavours to insure success in this field:

1.      To write you need to concentrate. To concentrate you need to be relaxed. However you do that is up to you. Whether it is a breath of fresh air or taking a deep breath. Make sure you do it.

2.      There are lots of blog post out there that talk about the writing of a blog post, how you should repeat the theme in the last  paragraph etc. Fundamentally a blog post can be anything that you want as long as it achieves your goals. My approach is too give it a start, a middle and an end and to make sure that it has a meaning and relevance. There is no easy way to do this but the more you do it the easier and better it becomes like anything else. How will we insure that it achieves your goals? By reading below.

3.      Check your blog post, checking it may sound simple but if there is one thing in life that you can not do enough of it is checking. Here are some of my suggestions, you may want to apply one or two of these in any given situation.

A.     Save the blog post in different form than you have written it. So if you have written it in Word than save it as text file and proof read it.

B.     The great thing with computers is that you can increase the size of the text. Why make it hard to read, increase it.

C.     Studies have shown that MS Sans Serif in grey on a white background is the easiest font for the brain to read. Of course one shoe does not fit all so you may have to experiment a bit.

D.     Ask a colleague or a friend to proof read it. This often helps with total comprehension of the piece.

E.      Take a break and check it much later when the brain has forgotten what you have written and you can see it with fresh eye

F.      Print it out, there is nothing like sitting somewhere else and checking it on a different media form

G.     Employ the services of document proofing company. Like this one

That’s about all that I can think of for now. With these controls in place either you will succeed or you will find out that you and your friends are not very good at english.